“From the moment that you were created and placed into this world, your destiny has already been decided… you breathe for only one reason: and that is to fulfill your life’s purpose…”
As I felt my body being pulled by an unknown force, further away from the light that has always sheltered me, these words kept echoing in my head as if keeping me company as I await the end of this distressingly extensive journey which seemed to have already taken an eternity. I have long passed the feeling of excitement and anticipation. Whatever anxiety I felt when I left home has already evaded me.
Before I took the leap, I was certain that I was ready to face whatever awaits me at the bottom of the pit… but right at this moment… as I sense my emotions being carried away by the strong cold wind, I realize that I’m not so sure anymore. Is there any way to turn back? I can only laugh at myself for even thinking that. I have already come this far and now I’m already thinking of returning. It’s not just the feeling of uncertainty and I definitely have no sense of trepidation… it’s the excruciating wait that’s killing me and turning every inch of me numb.
I don’t care anymore.
Well, come to think of it: I don’t even have a clear reason for jumping off.
This has always been my problem… I very easily get bored. My father always said that I have too much eccentricity and my impulsiveness would get me in trouble one day, though I believed what he said, I never really listened. The eagerness of hearing my own heart beat loudly and the sensation of having my blood pump out of proportions is what pushes me to do the extreme. Now I ask myself: Is this extreme enough?
The light that I have been from has now completely vanished from my sight, now all that surrounds me is darkness. I shifted my view to try and search for the other end, but there was nothing. Where is the other end of this freaking pipe?! It seems like I have to endure another eternity in this great fall which I have spent my whole life being curious about but that has now been reduced to being meaningless. Can I curse my father for telling me not to do it when he already knew that I would just do the exact opposite?
With nothing to look at anymore, there was nothing left to do. I closed my eyes hoping for a dream to come rescue me from this dullness… allowing my mind to wander off to a different world--- taking me away from this emptiness…
I wasn’t disappointed…