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---Literature and Artworks by Amaranth Levana---
*All images/artworks/literature/blurbs in this blog are all by me (and the three voices in my head), unless stated otherwise. For special permissions please contact YuAmaLev via email amaranth.levana21@gmail.com*

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Silent Love Confessions 2: Francis



We’ve all heard about love stories that began with fateful meetings, continued on to blissful incidences and ended with happily ever after. But there are also tragic stories of those whose love has ended before it even began. I have a story of my own… one that is slightly different than those ever heard of.



My name is Julie and this is how my love story began with The End.


My mornings always start with a good morning greeting from Francis. With a soft whisper in my ear, feeling the warmth of his breath against my skin, hearing his cool voice, and smelling the scent of roses carefully arranged in a vase on top of the table beside my bed, my morning always is sure to be a good one.


Handsome, sweet, caring and thoughtful… what else could a girl wish for?


Here’s one: I wish he was my boyfriend.


For two years, I’ve been living with Francis, inside this little apartment… four walls locking us in together… just the two of us…


But he’s not my lover…


He can never be…


As a matter of fact he has another girl he’s in love with and they have the most perfect love story…


So what does that make me?


Probably just no one on a third person’s perspective… but for them…


I’m the foundation of their relationship.


I made that perfect love story possible…


You can call me “the bridge”, I’d prefer that.


…And for Francis…


I’m his shield, his weapon, his hero…


I’m his super dependable and severely indispensable best friend.


He’d literally, NOT survive without me.


I, being the brain and the brawn of this household and him being the heart… made this little apartment we call home the happiest place I’ve ever been in my entire life. The two of us make such great partners, if only we could stay together forever like this…


But we all know FOREVER doesn’t really exist. Forever is just an idea… an idea that, like all the other of its kind, could easily pop like a bubble the very moment reality kicks in.


Pretty soon, I’ll have to face MY REALITY. A reality without Francis… A reality where this little apartment would consist of only me and my lot of inanimate possessions… A reality which would take away the heart of this home…


When that time comes, I know I wouldn’t have a single clue of what to do next and how to go on with my life but I’ve long accepted the inevitable. I know what’s coming… I know it will be soon… I know I have to let go… I know, but what will I do then? Maybe I’d get a cat… or not; I value my comfy couch.


But knowing doesn’t really make you prepared. Knowing just makes you aware… aware of the enormous pain that would shortly strike you… I’m sure Francis knows what I’m feeling… He always knows… The very same way I always know what he’s thinking… I know what he’s about to say… I know what he’s about to do… I know his thoughts… I know his heart… He’s a huge part of me as I am to him…


You see, we’re connected in a very special way…


But it will never be enough…


Such connection has always been meant to end. Again, I know that, but it doesn’t make things easier… it just makes me become aware of my own attachment… and as I linger on that knowledge longer… the pain just keeps burrowing deeper into my chest…


As I sat alone in my room staring at the vase filled with lovely roses, I’ve been contemplating on how to go about it…


You know…


Letting go…


Moving on…


It’s tough…


***


“We’re getting married.”


Francis looks so happy. Just looking at his eyes, you’ll see that it is something that he’s always wanted… dreamy-eyed like a child who’s excited for his first trip to Disney Land.


If he only knew what was running through my mind… If he could only see the selfish wish that I have in my heart… Would he still see me as his hero? I, the one who at the very last moment had the urge to crush his dream just so he could stay with me perhaps just a little longer?...


I felt a tear run down my cheek as I realized that the dreadful part really had come… I’m letting him go…


I have to…


“Goodbye, Julie. Thank you.”


His voice, soft, cool, soothing… flew with the wind as I wrote my final wishes for him and his beloved with a trembling hand… Below the photo of their happy faces I wrote the words which for them signified their love’s triumph, but for me the beginning of another period of loneliness… the words which marked the conclusion to our two years of journey through life together…


The words that contain both feelings of joy and sadness…


Yes, it is: THE END.


***


As I thought, it’s pretty difficult to start anew after spending those two years with him. This is the first day I spend in reality after two years of locking myself up in my own little world. No more drafts to create, no more designs to make, no more scenes to write and no more panels to draw… No more Francis…


Handsome, sweet, caring and thoughtful Francis…


I wished then that I was his girlfriend, but I forgot the most important thing…


I should’ve wished he was real…


…Because in this reality… he doesn’t exist…


I should be fine… I just have to create someone else and move on…


“Excuse me, miss. Aren’t you Julie Bradford?”


“Yes?”


“I have your book. I was wondering if you could sign it for me.”


“Sure. I’d be happy to. What’s your name?”


“Francis.”


The Beginning…



© AmaranthLevana

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