..whatever..

---Literature and Artworks by Amaranth Levana---
*All images/artworks/literature/blurbs in this blog are all by me (and the three voices in my head), unless stated otherwise. For special permissions please contact YuAmaLev via email amaranth.levana21@gmail.com*

Friday, November 26, 2010

Silent Love Confessions 8: Forget me not…


     Not too far from where I live, there’s a long path of forget-me-nots. The dazzling little flowers, blue as the sky, bloomed incessantly and danced shyly with every blow of the wind. My eyes could only follow the path which ends at the foot of a huge tree atop the little hill because I’ve always been warned about straying too far from home. For generations, they say, that magnificent path contrary to its exuberant beauty, held countless tales of terror. They say that anyone who got charmed and followed the path to its end was never seen again.

     Some say that it’s just a tale to scare the little children from wandering off, but my neighbor, an old granny said that she lost her husband from whatever unknown thing that lay beyond the path. He set off and challenged the rumored hill and never came back.

     No one really knows what’s there, we could all just make ridiculous guesses, but it does make people curious… though not foolish enough to try and find out for themselves, like the old husband did. Time passed and the stories about the missing people gained different versions, but it all still came to one direct point: that in our quiet and peaceful village dwells a mysterious and fearsome force disguised as an innocent lovely path of forget-me-nots.

     It hasn’t been a year since I moved into this place and I’ve just recently heard about a certain festival they hold when everyone receives gifts by their doorstep. Maybe it’s sort of like Christmas but in a different month. Everyone would go to bed early and wake up to receive their presents before dawn of the next day.

     “What if I can’t sleep, Granny?”

     “You have to, or you’ll scare Santa away.” Granny let out a snorting laugh. Maybe she felt like she was speaking to a six-year old girl. I just laughed with her, because of my ignorance and confusion I did feel like one.

     It wasn’t hard to adjust to the life in this village. We all live close to each other so it was easy to be friends with everyone. It’s very peaceful and everyone so far had been really nice to me. But somehow, this yearly tradition they have is---

     Anyway, as I thought, on the night of the festival, I found myself unable to sleep even though they told me I should. I’m really curious about this “Secret Santa” and whatever present would be left on my doorstep. Before I knew it, I was out of bed. I walked towards the door and took a step outside. It was quiet. Only the stars in the sky and the big bright moon gave light. Everyone else was asleep just like what the tradition called for. Perhaps, everyone else was really looking forward to that special present.

     From a short distance I saw the path of forget-me-nots. Under the shining brightness of the moon, they glimmered and looked lovelier than ever before. I found myself just staring and walking slowly towards the inviting magnificence, like I was being hypnotized to go over and touch them. A cool gust of wind blew and they shook their leaves and swayed their tiny blue heads, towards the direction of the hill. My eyes just followed where they pointed and there I saw tiny bits of light coming from the huge tree. The trunk illuminated hundreds of crystal-like glow, though not as bright as the moon, but lively flickered like the stars in the sky.

     Everything felt like a dream. The tiny orbs of light that danced around the tree, the tiny flowers wooing me to follow the path their pointing at and the way my own feet moved towards the hill…

     As I took every step closer to the end of the path, the lights became brighter, and the words that I thought I was just chanting in my head became audible as if coming from someone else, whispering in my ear.

     “Forget-me-not… forget-me-not… forget-me-not…”

     Who is it?

     Who did I forget?

     What did I forget?

     As I stepped on the foot of the hill, the trail of flowers also ended, but the voice that whispered like a plea grew louder, ringing in my ears as if accusing me.

     “Forget-me-not!”

     The climb up the hill wasn’t difficult, where the path of flowers ended, rocks shaped to serve as steps took its place. As I drew nearer to the top, my head throbbed after forcing myself to remember what I might have forgotten. My chest felt heavy, as if I’ve betrayed a very important memory.

     Before I came to this place I recall having a long journey through a boat. It was a long exhausting trip that I was just so relieved to finally step on land. I just felt at that moment that I was finally home. Now that I think about it, where did I come from? I have no recollection of how my life was before I came here, and even that boat ride had begun to become vague.

     “Forget-me-not.”

      The voice became louder with every step. Just a little more and I’d find out…

     Who?

     As I stood in front of the tree, I realized that the orbs of light that I had mistaken for crystals a while ago were actually peep holes. Hundreds of them punched on the tree-trunk leading somewhere where there is light. Without thinking, I leaned on the tree and peeped in one of the holes. What I saw there is a mirror image of our village, but unlike the one I just walked from, there were a lot of people whom I don’t know placing flowers and photos on each of my neighbor’s doorsteps. The light that shone from within it was actually candlelights which shimmered like thousands of fireflies all over the image of our town.

     I searched for my own home and there I saw a man with a basket of flowers on his feet.

     “Forget-me-not.”

     My heart raced until it hurt when I recalled the important memory that I’d forgotten…

     “They say that when a person dies, all of the memories from this world would be cleared to make the burden of moving into a different world disappear. Do you believe that?”

     “No. And that’s because I never want to forget about you. This life and even another, I want to spend it all with you.”

     “Forget-me-not.”

     I felt the tree-trunk thin until it was nothing but air that I can pass through and I walked to the side of the man whom I’ve made my promise to. The promise that I’ve forgotten… the promise that I’d never forget again…

     I watched him as he stooped down to place our wedding photo on the door which led to the home I just left and I figured, it would probably had been the special gift I receive from my Secret Santa if I had stayed in that village until everyone woke up for theirs as well. I looked back on the direction of the tree from where I came from, but it was not there. It’s true, that I could never go back… but I’m fine with it. Maybe someday I will get to return to that peaceful town, but at that time with the man I swore to be with forever.

     Until then---

     I gave my husband a tight embrace which he could not feel, and whispered words to him which he could not hear…

     I paused and heard him whisper…

     “Forget me not”…

     And with a kiss I replied:

     “Never again…”

***

     The image was done a few months after this story was written. I was revisiting my blog and checked out the last SLC story that I posted and figured I should probably put an image on it. I used acrylic paint on paper.



© AmaranthLevana 2010


Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Silent Love Confessions 7: The Moth’s Flight to Paradise



     The little moth was warned by its mother, “Don’t get too close. It’s dangerous.”

     But the flame that flickered in enchanting glow in the middle of the darkened room was so beautiful. It danced with a mystical inaudible melody which charmed the little moth that fluttered nearby. Amidst the cold night, the lamp gave the only source of heat which was welcoming.

     How can something so beautiful be dangerous?

     How could anyone be so wary of this warmth?

     The little moth danced with the flame… Flying over, under and around…

     “Closer. I want to get closer. I have to. I need to.”

     Little moth felt the warmth turn to burning heat, but closer still it flew towards the enchanting flame.

     A single kiss took its flight in an instant. A brief moment of bliss in exchange for little moth’s life…

     I wonder if the moth felt regret as it crashed down with charred and broken wings. Or was it like finally experiencing heaven, you only get there unless you die?

     It must be nice to wish about living in once upon a time in a land far, far away but I wouldn’t know that because I’m more like a little moth. I don’t have a fairy godmother to help me find true love with magic, nor do I have a prince charming to come rescue me from a tower. All I have is a beautiful flame to dance around while my little wings guide my flight.

     I have no idea how long it’s been since this love began. I didn’t particularly count the days, weeks or months but all I know is that the more time we spent together, the more I’m being drawn to his charm. The way he illuminated my darkened world was enough for him to capture my heart completely. And his enigmatic warmth melted my frozen soul.

     He’s the fire that owns me, but I could never own him. The moment I try, I know I’d get burned.

     In this foreign land he is one of the few people that I can really talk to. I felt so lonely, so scared and so confused when I first arrived here, but he had been the one to comfort me. He helped me adapt to the new environment and in his kindness I found my shelter. Both of us have somewhere else that we belong to… we both have someone waiting for us back home. With that fact alone, this kind of relationship is already hopeless to begin with, yet I can’t stop myself from wanting to draw closer.

     It’s wrong, yet in his arms I still find myself trapped. In his eyes, I find myself mesmerized. In his kiss, I find myself lost within the temptation of taking a bite of the forbidden fruit.

***

     The moment I placed down the receiver, I saw the jealous look on Terrance’s face. He would always openly show when he’s upset about something, although he always tries to cover things up with his words.

     “He’s been calling a lot lately--- your boyfriend?” The sarcastic smile on his face as always made my heart jump off my chest. It made me feel guilty. Who wouldn’t be, considering this kind of situation?

     “He’s worried about me. Your wife calls you every day as well…”

     The sarcastic smile vanished in an instant.

     “She wants me to come home.”

     “I know.”

     It’s the same thing that my boyfriend always calls about. The calls that I so willingly wished to heed at first if only I could, but after meeting Terrance and now that I have that choice, I could only listen blankly to his words not feeling the same affection as I once did.

     “I don’t want to leave you…”

     “But you also want to go back to her.”

     He paused for a moment and I figured immediately that I had just hit a bull’s eye.

     “We could go back together. I’d find you and we can---“

     “No. If you go back, you’d have to be with your wife. The only way we could be together is by staying here. You have to make your choice.”

     That’s the truth. We both know it.

     “Me?”

     “I already made mine.”

     Ring… Ring… Ring…

     “That should be her. She always calls around this time, right?”

     I didn’t know what to feel when I saw the hesitance on his face as he slowly stepped closer to where the phone was seated. In my mind I screamed for him to stop. I wanted to tell him not to take the call. Don’t listen to what she wants to say. But that’s just me wishing selfishly. I have no right to stop him from wanting to hear his wife’s voice. I can’t direct his heart to stop caring about the wife he left at home. It’s something that he has to decide on his own.

     He slowly moved his hand to take the receiver but suddenly stopped. When he turned to face me there was something in his eyes that I couldn’t understand. He just stood there staring at me as we both listened to the phone ring continuously. It seemed like forever, but the ringing eventually came to a halt.

     “Frances--- I’ve also made my choice…”

     He smiled and pulled me into his arms. He covered me in his warmth and I found myself giving up my wings to embrace the burning heat of the flame.

     We both took a bite of the forbidden fruit and waited for our turn to taste the tiny piece of paradise.

     I fell asleep listening to the sweet music of his beating heart, unaware that by the moment I wake up I’d find my flame extinguished and myself alone in the paradise I yearned to share with Terrance.

     And somewhere in a time and place ignorant of the moth’s flight, as Frances’ EEG reading flat-lined, Terrance opened his eyes and was welcomed back from his coma by his wife’s grateful smile. 

 © AmaranthLevana 2010

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